Have there not been times in your life when you felt separate
from much of the rest of the world? Many people report having
felt very much like an outsider during various portions of their
high school career. Developing one's identity during puberty can
be a truly excruciating experience at times. Perhaps it was the
sudden onset of acne, or the fact that your folks would not allow
you to get your ears pierced like ALL of your friends. Being
"different" is just not cool unless all of your friends are being
different in the same way as you. In Japanese culture, many of
the activities people take part in during the course of a day are
designed to train people to intuitively think, feel, and act,
with a "group consciousness". Feeling like you belong to the
group gives one a warm sense of what I playfully call
"we-dentity". Having you own separate way of doing things may
give you a sense of independence, but it leads to a somewhat more
lonely sense of being, that in the West is called "I-dentity".
Let me give you a sense of how this process of "we-dentity" is
fostered in an Aikido dojo.

Everyone is meant to show up on time for class. The slippers each
person wears are neatly lined up at the entrance to the dojo,
just like the fresh fish that are lined up one next to the other
in the local fish store. If necessary, when you enter the dojo
you tidy up any of the slippers that are askew. When the slippers
are all in place it means the class is ready for instruction. One
of the senior students will be sure to check that everything is
just right, prior to the sensei arriving.

When the sensei enters, everyone stops what they are doing and
bows to the sensei while offering a greeting. All of the students
are meant to bow in unison. Group action leads to group mind and
a sense of fellowship.

When the sensei is ready to start the class he bows, and each
student is meant to start and stop their reply bow at the same
time. If the rhythm of the group is off, the sensei is likely to
bow again, thus requiring the students to better attune to each
other, and better attune to the sensei.

When warm-up activities begin each student moves in unison, and
voice is added to further meld the group together. "One, two,
three, four. One, two, three, four." Little by little the group
mind starts to coalesce. When the voice is added, the group
starts to breathe in accordance with the rhythm of the counting.
People that breathe together tend to think and act alike. Group
breathing leads to group mind and a sense of safety.

At some point, with everyone standing more complex movements are
initiated. Specific placement of the feet and soft circular
movements of the arms are joined together with the counting and
the breathing necessary to fuel all that is taking place. One,
two, three, four, the voice counts as the feet and arms move.
Everyone moving together, counting together, and breathing
together. Everyone modulating their individual activity to match
and meld with everyone else. As the energy of the group coalesces
the mind of the group becomes one. "One, two, three, four, one,
two, three, four." Movement, stillness, inhale, exhale, movement,
stillness, inhale, exhale.

Each student begins to sense that:

"My energy feeds the others, the energy of the others feeds me."

"When I am whole, powerful, and in harmony with the group, the
group is whole, powerful, and in harmony with me."

The boundary line between "self" and "other" softens and "I"
become an integral part of "we."

"Your training adds to my training."

"I cannot improve without you."

"The spirit of your life adds to the spirit of my life."

At such times, there is no one left in the room to attack,
because attacking another would be the same as attacking myself.

Having achieved this frame of mind, we begin to practice the art
of self defense. Looking to protect "I" and "We" at the same
time.

My advice will be simple. I suggest that you notice the movement
and flow of people around you. Be it commuting to work, in your
work environment, or when meeting up with friends. Notice the
times when people move and breathe together in harmony, and when
the flow of the group seems to be more helter-skelter. Experiment
with moving and breathing with other people, while noticing when
you feel a bond to the group, and when you feel separate.
Maintain a soft focus on yourself, while also noticing what you
need to do to flow with those around you. Talk less and notice
more. Feel how the emotion of the group you are in at any one
time ebbs and flows. Write to me and tell me about your
experience.


About the author:
Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido
instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist.
Benefit from a new self-help Practice every two weeks, by
subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure heart,
simple mind" at http://www.seishindo.org/anger/index.html .